He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
