508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize