I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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