I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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