so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just had sex bonerless
only if we run a train.
done.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
