i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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