bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
