well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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