ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
