; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
