Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
