Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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