GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
