Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
