The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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