is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need a beard to bite.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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