my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
