I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
