You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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