I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
NoShamevember. You game?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
