oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
