My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
