Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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