He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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