He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
