i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
