I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
