I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
