We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
