I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
