No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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