all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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