i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
