Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
