ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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