well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
