"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
