My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize