That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
