Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
