OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
