I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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