He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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