I think I won the penis lottery.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
