dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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