oh god the rape fog is back!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
