Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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