does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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