Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We left an ass print on the piano.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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