we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
