Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
