Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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