I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
