Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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