i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
