man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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