how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
