ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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