I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
