was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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