ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please don't give away my fajitas
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
