We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
