I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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