i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I lost the right to judge tonight
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
