New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
