I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
