Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
