my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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