They should really pass out barf bags in church
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My penis needs a shock collar
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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