the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
