And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
