thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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