I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
