why didn't you poke me back
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
