How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
