ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
