he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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