Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
