so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
