someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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