She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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