something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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