Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
