i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
