You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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