Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
