I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
