Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
